Crime Pays

The New Arrival

Arkone Indere looked up at the foreboding gates to the city and sighed. “You know, there are lots of places I’d rather be right now.”

The massive construct at his side just looked at him.

“Yeah, you’re right, Aesti. Pay is pay, after all. Come on, let’s find our new employers.”

Signs of battle just past the outer gate were an encouraging sign. Someone had come through here, and judging from the piles of bones and dust everywhere, Ark guessed it was probably the people he was looking for. A leather-clad arm poked from beneath a pile of rocks. Probably a fallen comrade. Ark saluted the impromptu gravesite as he passed by.

Aesti wasn’t the jumpy sort, so the fact that he held an arm out in front of Ark just before they passed through the inner gate was noteworthy.

“What’s wrong?”

Aesti answered by turning to look at the pair of figures standing just outside a nearby building.

“Guards, you think?”

The construct shrugged.

“Best to wait and see, then.”

A nod. Aesti never spoke. Ark didn’t even know if the construct was capable of speech. It didn’t matter, though; their bond communicated everything that needed to be said. It wasn’t really a telepathy thing, Ark just knew what it was Aesti wanted him to know. He didn’t question it; the bond had saved his bacon more times than he could count by now.

Ark strained to hear what the two figures were saying…

View
A Sudden Appearance, Part 1

Jin opened one eye. Then the other. Partuur and Mouse were muttering by the fire, Kaladry was snoring softly, Ka’Rak was tangled in his blanket, moaning about rabbits. And Maris was curled up in a ball near the fire. After a quick check of her secret pockets, the vials in their holsters, she sent out her mental tentacles into the dimness of the warehouse. She could sense Hozay Kwervo’s horsey dreams. But something was missing. The fey presence, the faerie artificer, the wanderer who was not lost, was gone. Not just missing, not just wandered off. She was gone. Vanished.

She pushed herself onto her elbows and cleared her throat. She didn’t like surprising people, It was much better if people didn’t get suspicious of her. She was the soother, the diplomat, the one who stood behind others and let them think that they were doing all the work. She was the accident waiting to happen to her enemies, and the stray bit of wonderful luck that happened to her allies.

Partuur noticed her right away. Well, he was the bright one in the group, especially with the pixie missing. “Where’s Illiana?”

Mouse physically heaved his massive body around to face her. “She’d disappeared. Partuur thinks we’ve been betrayed. Or ininfiltitilated. Or something.” He looked at Partuur who was smart enough not to roll his eyes.

Partuur slugged Mouse in the arm. “And how are we so sure that she isn’t involved in Illianna’s disappearance?”

Jin shurgged. “If I had wanted to kidnap her, then why would I still be here? And if my goals were skullduggery. . .I love that word. ‘Skullduggery.’ It’s a shame that we have so little opportunity to use in. Anyway, if I was up to no good, then I would have been busy slitting throats instead of sleeping.” Jin knelt to the ground. She spread her fingers and touched the floor of the warehouse. Her face twisted from the evil energies, the vile miasma that clung to the building. But there was something else.

“I’m sensing something here. A time and space rift. Very powerful. Fey magic.” She shook her head to clear it and stood. “I don’t know what it was. But I think that Illianna caused it in some way. Or maybe she was the focus of it.”

Partuur frowned. “Was she attacked? Is that what you’re saying? Attacked by the Fey?”

“No. It wasn’t an attack. It was a door opening and closing again. And she stepped through. I can’t tell you why.”

Partuur stroked his chin as he brooded. Mouse shrugged and sat by the fire, took out a whetstone, spit juicily on it and began to run it along the blade of his halberd. Partuur winced. “Maris appears just when we’re a person short because of Tempo’s kidnapping, Ka’rak and Kaladry appear out of nowhere after the ship gets stolen, this girl who thinks she can sense magic rides up lickety-split after Toshiro dies. . .”

Mouse began to chuckle. "He said “Lickety. . .”

Partuur frowned. “After Toshiro dies. Now Illianna vanishes. Maris wants to carry Toshiro’s body around with us. . .”

Jin interrupted. Don’t worry about that. She helped me tie the body onto the back of my horse. We wrapped him up snug in a blanket and, until he starts to smell, he won’t be any problem at all.

Mouse frowned and a low growl seemed to emanate from his chest.

“No offense, Mouse.”

Patruur sighed and put his hand on Mouse’s shoulder. “She didn’t mean anything by that, Mouse. But things have been happening that disturb me. Too many new faces. Who’s going to show up next?”

Mouse scratched his head. Not sure about that. I suppose it could be Hu Sen. He’s always showing up when we don’t expect him. But if we started expecting him to show up, would he stay away?" Mouse frowned.

Partuur shook his head. “We’ve had friends replaced with shape-changing succubi and fought with angels in disguise. Just who are we supposed to trust?”

Jin smiled. “Well, that’s a good question. We are criminals, after all.”

View
A Sudden Departure, Part II

Partuur was the first to wake. He was surprised. For years, only two things had awakened him — whoever was on watch, or the throbbing pain in his hip. This was different. It was time to be awake.

He sat up slowly, trying not to aggravate his hip, hoping nobody else was awake to see him move so slowly. He looked around for whoever was on watch.

Light was streaming in through the windows. Nobody was on watch. He did a quick headcount. The two big guys, the two hired girls, the elf… where was the pixie?

He woke Mouse first.

“Mouse, Illiana is gone.”

“Gone?” the barbarian asked.

“Gone. She wouldn’t just wander off. We’ve been infiltrated. Or betrayed. We have to find her.”

View
A sudden departure
Trouble back home

Illianna didn’t really like taking last watch. Getting up early and making sure undead abominations didn’t eat everyone’s faces off wasn’t really high on her list of “Fun Things To Do While Trying To Restore The Planar Pathways”.

Ah well, at least it gave her time to prepare her infusions.

Motion twitched in Illianna’s peripheral vision. She instantly drew her crossbow (already loaded, of course) and aimed it towards the intruder while keeping her eyes on the most critical part of the infusion process.

“There’s the Illianna who taught me,” a voice chuckled quietly.

“Dimetrius?” The infusion finally prepared, she finally focused her eyes on the speaker. Sure enough, her betrothed, the Torchwood Gang’s bookkeeper himself, stood there. “How did you—?”

“I used this,” Dimetrius replied, holding up a pendant similar to one Illianna wore.

Her eyes narrowed. “You know we’re only supposed to use our touchstones in dire emergencies.”

“This IS a dire emergency. There’s problems back in Athisaar and you’re the only one who can help me handle them.”

“Even like this?”

“Size matters not,” Dimetrius quipped. “Besides, I’ve known about your time-lost condition for a while now.”

“You… what? How? I barely understand it myself.”

“I’ve been doing research ever since you left to keep tabs on these ruffians the first time. I haven’t found a way to fix it yet, but give me time.”

“So you’re having me leave now? Whatever will Partuur say?” she asked sarcastically.

“Partuur can say whatever he likes. He knows the power of a misplaced decimal point. Just leave a note explaining that you went to check on something.”

“We’ve already lost Toshiro. I don’t know if they can handle losing another ally right now.”

“I’ve made arrangements.”

Illianna nodded, packed her healer’s kit, and settled onto Dimetrius’ shoulder. “I’ve had just about enough of their threats anyway, to be honest.”

Dimetrius raised an eyebrow. “Threats?”

“Something about strapping me to an arrow, sending me ahead to ‘scout for traps’, that sort of thing.”

“Hmmm, I suppose I’ll have to see about a decimal point or two when we get back. Let’s go.” The pair vanished, leaving a note of little explanation and even less regret.

View
Tipsy Pixie
A drunken song about drunken pixie

Tempo Timone’s song

The Tipsy Pixie

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drink straight from the flask, bottle, can
Hotter than an oven, she knows how to serve man
Roasted, toasted, cooked to perfection
Flaming sphere cauterizes the infection

Burn off the alcohol or burn everything in sight
Put alcohol near an open flame and watch the world ignite
Fire, fire, pixie on the battlefield (hot)
Drunk and hot, always keeping it real

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

The hotter the girl, the stronger the drink
Ain’t no act, girl is too drunk to think
Acts on impulse, sees everyone as a tool
So hot and on fire everyone knows she’s cool

Purifier alcohol and the flame are 200 proof
Pixie flying, and is about ready to burn the roof
Yelling, shouting, vowing revenge yet thinks she’s aloof
Her world’s on fire and is burning like those Scarlet Dogs (woof)

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

No shorty is hotter laying down the heat
She sets them on fire, and they make a retreat
Fire from hell isn’t as hot, and she’s hotter than the sun
Illiana the incinerator disposing of everyone

Illiana’s a trickster, deceptive, a lier
Get her drunk and be Baptized by fire
If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen
Out of the frying pan and the flames keep you twitching

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Conflagration, and an inflammation causing a blister
Even when she’s drunk she has no interest in a mister
If she got any hotter she would turn into steam
Those roasted minions need some ointment and cream

The crazy pixie has more balls than Mouse
See her burning, burning down the house
Shouting out advice, leading the team to success
Partuur still doesn’t see that he has caused this mess

Partuur you dunked her into the drink, and made her mad
You gave her more than she knows, more than she’s ever had
Your plan and your fault when she joins me in AA (Alcoholics Always)
Look at what you’ve started, now what do you have to say

Illiana has lost control and has gotten heated up
Yet I’ve got what she needs, here we go, bottoms up
Knock back the bottles, this enchanter liquor
Keep on drinking, this dimension has plenty more

Illiana it’s time for you to get ill,
Hotter than a grill, burning with your skill
Illiana fire is your friend and support from your band
Illiana sing it girl while you’ve got the flames on hand

(Illiana says something drunken)

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Hotter, hot, burn, fire, scalding, with the heat
Tipsy Pixie burn in time while I lay down the beat

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

View
Icewind Dale Roulette
Held at the Palace of Fortuity (get lost soon)

Palace of Fortuity

Tempo Timone’s song

Icewind Dale Roulette

In the Palace of Fortuity, past illusions and demise
In the den of thieves and nobles, with games of luck and lies
There is a game that is more honorable you never will meet
The enchantment is random and everyone knows there is no way to cheat

The rules are simple, you all sit down on your seat
The dagger then soars around the room, it really is neat
Then it’s target randomly seeks out, and eventually does enter
As the victim bleeds from the dagger, his money is placed in the center

Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does spin, someone will win, don’t you worry and don’t fret
Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does fly, and someone will die, it’s as dangerous as it can get

As the dagger goes from foe to foe, striking them with more force
The foes that are hit lose their money, and others gain it of course
So as the game continues, many lose their money and lose their lives
The winner at the end with the most money, gets everything and survives

The great hidden Palace of Fortuity, runs this game in the center ring
Everyone gathers around and watches, side bets they call and sing
The table is round, the dagger whirls, all the contestants are in fear
No poker face is needed, for whenever the dagger strikes the loser is clear

Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does spin, someone will win, don’t you worry and don’t fret
Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does fly, and someone will die, it’s as dangerous as it can get

So as fair and random the game, I wouldn’t bet on Partuur the lame
For from what I have heard around town, the winner is always the same
It is Belooth the luckiest man of all, that is his title and what I shall call
For winner of everything he has little pride, so he has never had a fall

This is a game that I would never play, for I know in the future there would come a day,
When I am defeated and killed by this fun, and I am sure that everyone will then say,
That bard whose luck he holds in his hand, must have dropped it somewhere in the land,
For to lose so miserably when he bet his life, is something no one would have planned

So this my cautionary tale, for those who gamble and like to drink ale
Unless you’re up for the task, stay wary of the roulette from Icewind dale

Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does spin, someone will win, don’t you worry and don’t fret
Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does fly, and someone will die, it’s as dangerous as it can get

View
Bear Beauty
Bare Beauty of a bear

Tempo Timone’s song

Bear Beauty

The beauty of a bear not everyone can see
Still such beauty lay bare is perfect for me
You are not ugly or unattractive in sight
The strength of a bear is your warden’s might

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

Your style is rugged and your leather is quite torn
It’s only your origin not the genetics from being born
You are attractive in the light and lovely at night
Still you were raised not at a table but in the middle of a fight

You are quiet during conferences, discussions don’t your keep interest
You would much rather hunt and gather keeping only of the best
We enjoy your company and you are of the greatest assets
Diplomacy however is not one of those great facets

However you move, however you fight
I will be there, following your light
You gaurd the group, silent and stoic
You’re a fellow follower of the heroic

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

I wish to heal you with the power of my song
I will do what I can until I do something wrong
I will help you with warnings and advice
Don’t think me demanding, I’m trying to be nice

Pickers can’t be choosers
However I’m not with the losers
I’ve won the jackpot if I can spend time with you
You may not be lovely to others, but I see what’s true

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

Your beauty however has been under attack
Been stabbed, shot, burned, grabbed, and hurt
You have been flanked and attacked from the back
How can I return the favor for staying so alert

Let me be concise I have a tendency to elaborate
You have been scarred and that mad man took your ear
So you took your axe and with a swift strike to decapitate
Now what songs can I sing to help you hear

You don’t need the good looks that you possess
To have me at your very whim
You don’t need the strength you have nonetheless
Your figure is fit and trim

Skin like steel but hot enough to make me melt
You make me feel something I’ve never felt
I look at all the damage that you have dealt
I wonder at how you protect us with a figure so svelte

Yes you aren’t well composed and aren’t rich with the written word
You can say the wrong thing and sometimes sound absurd
You are off putting to some from the wild rough exterior
That is just because nobles aren’t used to that beastly behavior

You were raised in the wild not at the hands of royalty
Still an honest girl like you is worth more to me in loyalty
I’ve had my share of uptown princesses who think they’re hot
Of all those pompous madams with their composure and decor
They don’t have what you’ve got

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

Charisma is more than looks and body it is the power to be popular
However I am alluring, and handsome and gravitate all to this star
I have charisma and attraction which makes me the luckiest of bards
Still together, the beauty and the bear, we have songs and wards

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

View
Mindless Puppets

Tempo Timone’s song

Mindless Puppets

I woke up again in the middle of a battle
Being charged by mindless men
They were herding us like we were cattle
Illiana says I was passed out again

I regained by bearings and fired my bow
Illiana was upset that they were already being controlled
We are experts in a field but still we don’t know
Partuur, Keladry are adaptable, through this cake walk they strolled

These mindless puppets these hypnotized fools
Loss of all they were, now they are simple tools
Changed from a good person into a villainous man
Changed more than from a pixie or a woman

They fight for a reason that they don’t know
They serve a master that comes from below
They want to resist, but it is all amiss
They have no will, no skill, just a devil’s worklist

Mouse is super strong and brave
Carving his way through, making them behave
Illiana did her best with what she had
She was effective and skillful and made them mad

I was there being hit and confronted
Keladry had them all severely stunted
Partuur’s leadership lead us all to victory
The battlefield at the end was awfully gory

These mindless puppets these hypnotized fools
Loss of all they were, now they are simple tools
Changed from a good person into a villainous man
Changed more than from a pixie or a woman

They fight for a reason that they don’t know
They serve a master that comes from below
They want to resist, but it is all amiss
They have no will, no skill, just a devil’s worklist

View
Polyphon
Tempo sees more than he knows

Tempo Timone’s song

Polyphon

Polyphon, your a giant formless mass speaking only in lies
Your so ugly with all those mouths, best for you to put on a disguise
Even among devils they all run from you, the slime ball
Not because your evil and smell, but because your unreliable

Your dukes are liars, phonies, cheaters, and prevaricators
Among tempters and those who lie you need a truthful mediator
You twist things around, you deceive those most smart
Still you try to attack the mind and keep away from the heart

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

We’ll kick you to the curb and turn you into goo
Oh, we’re too late, you’re a puddle of evil you
So many mouths, all speaking at the same moment
Still with so many lies none of them are coherent

Polyphon you are the lord of lies
Still you will suffer a swift demise
You deceive minds in search of power
All we’ve seen you do is make noise and cower

Your servants are mindless and are as weak as yourself
We will sort out our differences, pixie, dragonborn, human, and elf
We may seem to be scattered in our minds and seem like the perfect prey
Still we work with one body and one minds stronger together, so fear the fey

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

You feed upon the confident, those who think they know it all
Since I know that I know nothing I know that I can’t fall
You have no power over me, a bard drunk with ale
So when try to take hold you will always fail

The mind is wonderful, mystical, and deep
The way that a mind can dream when asleep
So what is the best you can do as a pile of goop
Against a strong willed strong minded group

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

Your great dukes are less than worthless
Great Volak is absolutely meaningless
Bane of spirituality when there are no gods
Makes false prophets already quite flawed

Great Andrealphus revered by bandits and thieves
Simply manipulating those who float along the leaves
They have no moral compass as they already succumb to greed
Manipulating their minds is simple, were you afraid to not succeed?

Great Eligos, there he goes, tempting the insane
His prey don’t know who they are and have no brain
Easy pickings for all the power he claims
Eligos, isn’t worth any of his false names

Great Forneus duke of all the traitors
They are already backstabbing haters
Worthy of the punishment that they get
Still Forneus is just Polyphon’s pet

These great dukes that lie about their power and position of worth
They promise joy, happiness, hope, being free of pain, full of mirth
Their victims are stereotypes of those with weak will and poor sight
I can feel these teams soul and we won’t lose this fight

Polyphon you will not win,
you will never cause us to sin
For we see your lies as what they are,
and you won’t get very far
With your shady charade
Against our pain parade
You will fall and die and suffer
Never been a group mentally tougher

Polyphon, Polyphon, poly olly molly,
he probably wants his dolly
Used to be known as a big bad
Polyphon, Polyphon, you will be sad

While I’ll be drinking over your open gaping maws
I’ll sing this song about fighting your lies with our laws
Mentally stable our will is stronger than your slander
Me singing encouragement and Partuur our wise commander

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

yeah yeah, Polyphon, Poliphon,
Yeah yeah, Polyphawn, Polypan,
Yeah yeah, Polyphan, Polliphone,
Yeah yeahm, Polyfan, Polyfawn,

View
Fearful Infestation
The vision from Tempo before becoming bloodied

Tempo Timone’s song

Fearful Infestation

I’m surrounded by shadows and fear
I want to wash the taste out with beer
Still I am alone surrounded with myself
I need help, brother, or Keladry the elf

I can’t stop thinking I want to sing or bark
Still I hear it all, I see it all, silent in the dark
I am infected but not with an illness
I am infiltrated all in my stillness

This fearful infestation, this fearful infiltration
I feel assaulted and insulted and full of dread
My mind is my own and I mind what’s mine is fine
I don’t take well to people looking at my private mine

The others saw something different,
yet they didn’t try to see the truth
I saw the thought that we were irrelevant
What we did only disguised our youth

Partuur has lived and fought in a war
Still he has suffered already before
He has seen first hand the corruption
The fear that brings you to temptation

The damage taken was not from the pain
It was from your mind slowly going insane
The horrors screamed, they tried to drown me
It was all in my head, no escape, it found me

This fearful infestation, this fearful infiltration
I feel assaulted and insulted and full of dread
My mind is my own and I mind what’s mine is fine
I don’t take well to people looking at my private mine

This thing has crossed a line, so that means that it is going to die
If someone else starts in on the horror they will go see the spirit in the sky
Yes that is a threat, and I bet, that no one will come after me
For when they do, they will find, that they will die definitely

I can’t speak about the fears of any other
but the greatest fear I have is of the demise of my brother
I have been everywhere across this nation
Still my brother lives after a journey to that final destination

View

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.