Crime Pays

Tipsy Pixie
A drunken song about drunken pixie

Tempo Timone’s song

The Tipsy Pixie

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drink straight from the flask, bottle, can
Hotter than an oven, she knows how to serve man
Roasted, toasted, cooked to perfection
Flaming sphere cauterizes the infection

Burn off the alcohol or burn everything in sight
Put alcohol near an open flame and watch the world ignite
Fire, fire, pixie on the battlefield (hot)
Drunk and hot, always keeping it real

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

The hotter the girl, the stronger the drink
Ain’t no act, girl is too drunk to think
Acts on impulse, sees everyone as a tool
So hot and on fire everyone knows she’s cool

Purifier alcohol and the flame are 200 proof
Pixie flying, and is about ready to burn the roof
Yelling, shouting, vowing revenge yet thinks she’s aloof
Her world’s on fire and is burning like those Scarlet Dogs (woof)

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

No shorty is hotter laying down the heat
She sets them on fire, and they make a retreat
Fire from hell isn’t as hot, and she’s hotter than the sun
Illiana the incinerator disposing of everyone

Illiana’s a trickster, deceptive, a lier
Get her drunk and be Baptized by fire
If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen
Out of the frying pan and the flames keep you twitching

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Conflagration, and an inflammation causing a blister
Even when she’s drunk she has no interest in a mister
If she got any hotter she would turn into steam
Those roasted minions need some ointment and cream

The crazy pixie has more balls than Mouse
See her burning, burning down the house
Shouting out advice, leading the team to success
Partuur still doesn’t see that he has caused this mess

Partuur you dunked her into the drink, and made her mad
You gave her more than she knows, more than she’s ever had
Your plan and your fault when she joins me in AA (Alcoholics Always)
Look at what you’ve started, now what do you have to say

Illiana has lost control and has gotten heated up
Yet I’ve got what she needs, here we go, bottoms up
Knock back the bottles, this enchanter liquor
Keep on drinking, this dimension has plenty more

Illiana it’s time for you to get ill,
Hotter than a grill, burning with your skill
Illiana fire is your friend and support from your band
Illiana sing it girl while you’ve got the flames on hand

(Illiana says something drunken)

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Flying pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

Hotter, hot, burn, fire, scalding, with the heat
Tipsy Pixie burn in time while I lay down the beat

Drinking to get lit up, she will ignite on fire
Trying to get lit up, you’ll bust into, flame on
Tipsy pixie, heat rising only higher
The light weight, will burn you and she, drinks a ton

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Icewind Dale Roulette
Held at the Palace of Fortuity (get lost soon)

Palace of Fortuity

Tempo Timone’s song

Icewind Dale Roulette

In the Palace of Fortuity, past illusions and demise
In the den of thieves and nobles, with games of luck and lies
There is a game that is more honorable you never will meet
The enchantment is random and everyone knows there is no way to cheat

The rules are simple, you all sit down on your seat
The dagger then soars around the room, it really is neat
Then it’s target randomly seeks out, and eventually does enter
As the victim bleeds from the dagger, his money is placed in the center

Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does spin, someone will win, don’t you worry and don’t fret
Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does fly, and someone will die, it’s as dangerous as it can get

As the dagger goes from foe to foe, striking them with more force
The foes that are hit lose their money, and others gain it of course
So as the game continues, many lose their money and lose their lives
The winner at the end with the most money, gets everything and survives

The great hidden Palace of Fortuity, runs this game in the center ring
Everyone gathers around and watches, side bets they call and sing
The table is round, the dagger whirls, all the contestants are in fear
No poker face is needed, for whenever the dagger strikes the loser is clear

Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does spin, someone will win, don’t you worry and don’t fret
Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does fly, and someone will die, it’s as dangerous as it can get

So as fair and random the game, I wouldn’t bet on Partuur the lame
For from what I have heard around town, the winner is always the same
It is Belooth the luckiest man of all, that is his title and what I shall call
For winner of everything he has little pride, so he has never had a fall

This is a game that I would never play, for I know in the future there would come a day,
When I am defeated and killed by this fun, and I am sure that everyone will then say,
That bard whose luck he holds in his hand, must have dropped it somewhere in the land,
For to lose so miserably when he bet his life, is something no one would have planned

So this my cautionary tale, for those who gamble and like to drink ale
Unless you’re up for the task, stay wary of the roulette from Icewind dale

Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does spin, someone will win, don’t you worry and don’t fret
Icewind Dale Roulette, it’s time to place your bet,
The dagger does fly, and someone will die, it’s as dangerous as it can get

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Bear Beauty
Bare Beauty of a bear

Tempo Timone’s song

Bear Beauty

The beauty of a bear not everyone can see
Still such beauty lay bare is perfect for me
You are not ugly or unattractive in sight
The strength of a bear is your warden’s might

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

Your style is rugged and your leather is quite torn
It’s only your origin not the genetics from being born
You are attractive in the light and lovely at night
Still you were raised not at a table but in the middle of a fight

You are quiet during conferences, discussions don’t your keep interest
You would much rather hunt and gather keeping only of the best
We enjoy your company and you are of the greatest assets
Diplomacy however is not one of those great facets

However you move, however you fight
I will be there, following your light
You gaurd the group, silent and stoic
You’re a fellow follower of the heroic

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

I wish to heal you with the power of my song
I will do what I can until I do something wrong
I will help you with warnings and advice
Don’t think me demanding, I’m trying to be nice

Pickers can’t be choosers
However I’m not with the losers
I’ve won the jackpot if I can spend time with you
You may not be lovely to others, but I see what’s true

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

Your beauty however has been under attack
Been stabbed, shot, burned, grabbed, and hurt
You have been flanked and attacked from the back
How can I return the favor for staying so alert

Let me be concise I have a tendency to elaborate
You have been scarred and that mad man took your ear
So you took your axe and with a swift strike to decapitate
Now what songs can I sing to help you hear

You don’t need the good looks that you possess
To have me at your very whim
You don’t need the strength you have nonetheless
Your figure is fit and trim

Skin like steel but hot enough to make me melt
You make me feel something I’ve never felt
I look at all the damage that you have dealt
I wonder at how you protect us with a figure so svelte

Yes you aren’t well composed and aren’t rich with the written word
You can say the wrong thing and sometimes sound absurd
You are off putting to some from the wild rough exterior
That is just because nobles aren’t used to that beastly behavior

You were raised in the wild not at the hands of royalty
Still an honest girl like you is worth more to me in loyalty
I’ve had my share of uptown princesses who think they’re hot
Of all those pompous madams with their composure and decor
They don’t have what you’ve got

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

Charisma is more than looks and body it is the power to be popular
However I am alluring, and handsome and gravitate all to this star
I have charisma and attraction which makes me the luckiest of bards
Still together, the beauty and the bear, we have songs and wards

Your not equipped like a queen
Maiden etiquette you’ve never seen
The words I have can’t truly say
I wouldn’t want you any other way

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Mindless Puppets

Tempo Timone’s song

Mindless Puppets

I woke up again in the middle of a battle
Being charged by mindless men
They were herding us like we were cattle
Illiana says I was passed out again

I regained by bearings and fired my bow
Illiana was upset that they were already being controlled
We are experts in a field but still we don’t know
Partuur, Keladry are adaptable, through this cake walk they strolled

These mindless puppets these hypnotized fools
Loss of all they were, now they are simple tools
Changed from a good person into a villainous man
Changed more than from a pixie or a woman

They fight for a reason that they don’t know
They serve a master that comes from below
They want to resist, but it is all amiss
They have no will, no skill, just a devil’s worklist

Mouse is super strong and brave
Carving his way through, making them behave
Illiana did her best with what she had
She was effective and skillful and made them mad

I was there being hit and confronted
Keladry had them all severely stunted
Partuur’s leadership lead us all to victory
The battlefield at the end was awfully gory

These mindless puppets these hypnotized fools
Loss of all they were, now they are simple tools
Changed from a good person into a villainous man
Changed more than from a pixie or a woman

They fight for a reason that they don’t know
They serve a master that comes from below
They want to resist, but it is all amiss
They have no will, no skill, just a devil’s worklist

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Polyphon
Tempo sees more than he knows

Tempo Timone’s song

Polyphon

Polyphon, your a giant formless mass speaking only in lies
Your so ugly with all those mouths, best for you to put on a disguise
Even among devils they all run from you, the slime ball
Not because your evil and smell, but because your unreliable

Your dukes are liars, phonies, cheaters, and prevaricators
Among tempters and those who lie you need a truthful mediator
You twist things around, you deceive those most smart
Still you try to attack the mind and keep away from the heart

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

We’ll kick you to the curb and turn you into goo
Oh, we’re too late, you’re a puddle of evil you
So many mouths, all speaking at the same moment
Still with so many lies none of them are coherent

Polyphon you are the lord of lies
Still you will suffer a swift demise
You deceive minds in search of power
All we’ve seen you do is make noise and cower

Your servants are mindless and are as weak as yourself
We will sort out our differences, pixie, dragonborn, human, and elf
We may seem to be scattered in our minds and seem like the perfect prey
Still we work with one body and one minds stronger together, so fear the fey

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

You feed upon the confident, those who think they know it all
Since I know that I know nothing I know that I can’t fall
You have no power over me, a bard drunk with ale
So when try to take hold you will always fail

The mind is wonderful, mystical, and deep
The way that a mind can dream when asleep
So what is the best you can do as a pile of goop
Against a strong willed strong minded group

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

Your great dukes are less than worthless
Great Volak is absolutely meaningless
Bane of spirituality when there are no gods
Makes false prophets already quite flawed

Great Andrealphus revered by bandits and thieves
Simply manipulating those who float along the leaves
They have no moral compass as they already succumb to greed
Manipulating their minds is simple, were you afraid to not succeed?

Great Eligos, there he goes, tempting the insane
His prey don’t know who they are and have no brain
Easy pickings for all the power he claims
Eligos, isn’t worth any of his false names

Great Forneus duke of all the traitors
They are already backstabbing haters
Worthy of the punishment that they get
Still Forneus is just Polyphon’s pet

These great dukes that lie about their power and position of worth
They promise joy, happiness, hope, being free of pain, full of mirth
Their victims are stereotypes of those with weak will and poor sight
I can feel these teams soul and we won’t lose this fight

Polyphon you will not win,
you will never cause us to sin
For we see your lies as what they are,
and you won’t get very far
With your shady charade
Against our pain parade
You will fall and die and suffer
Never been a group mentally tougher

Polyphon, Polyphon, poly olly molly,
he probably wants his dolly
Used to be known as a big bad
Polyphon, Polyphon, you will be sad

While I’ll be drinking over your open gaping maws
I’ll sing this song about fighting your lies with our laws
Mentally stable our will is stronger than your slander
Me singing encouragement and Partuur our wise commander

Polyphon, Polyphon, all the things you’ve said and done
After you meet us seekers and singers of truth you’ll begone
You use to be a grand ally with the lord Anthraxus
Now we’re going to come in and kill you with our axes

You have your means and weapons of sorts
Still you have to go against Illiana’s retorts
We haven’t had a one on one of minds
You have many mouths and just as many behinds

yeah yeah, Polyphon, Poliphon,
Yeah yeah, Polyphawn, Polypan,
Yeah yeah, Polyphan, Polliphone,
Yeah yeahm, Polyfan, Polyfawn,

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Fearful Infestation
The vision from Tempo before becoming bloodied

Tempo Timone’s song

Fearful Infestation

I’m surrounded by shadows and fear
I want to wash the taste out with beer
Still I am alone surrounded with myself
I need help, brother, or Keladry the elf

I can’t stop thinking I want to sing or bark
Still I hear it all, I see it all, silent in the dark
I am infected but not with an illness
I am infiltrated all in my stillness

This fearful infestation, this fearful infiltration
I feel assaulted and insulted and full of dread
My mind is my own and I mind what’s mine is fine
I don’t take well to people looking at my private mine

The others saw something different,
yet they didn’t try to see the truth
I saw the thought that we were irrelevant
What we did only disguised our youth

Partuur has lived and fought in a war
Still he has suffered already before
He has seen first hand the corruption
The fear that brings you to temptation

The damage taken was not from the pain
It was from your mind slowly going insane
The horrors screamed, they tried to drown me
It was all in my head, no escape, it found me

This fearful infestation, this fearful infiltration
I feel assaulted and insulted and full of dread
My mind is my own and I mind what’s mine is fine
I don’t take well to people looking at my private mine

This thing has crossed a line, so that means that it is going to die
If someone else starts in on the horror they will go see the spirit in the sky
Yes that is a threat, and I bet, that no one will come after me
For when they do, they will find, that they will die definitely

I can’t speak about the fears of any other
but the greatest fear I have is of the demise of my brother
I have been everywhere across this nation
Still my brother lives after a journey to that final destination

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Icky, Sickly, Sticky, Tricky
Description of the spawn of eww

Tempo Timone’s song

Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky

It talked only to Partuur trying to make him doubt
It whispers in your head with the intensity of a shout
Partuur didn’t care at all of what it was talking about
A giant puddle of goo is something we can do without

A spawn of something, it was all evil inside
It was disgusting and it didn’t even try to hide
It came full out in force and it died of course
Still we only had a hint of the power of its source

It is
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky and it is full of fail
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky and it won’t prevail
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky hypnotized a crowd
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky I sang really loud

It was not a large struggle, to face the slush
It didn’t even have a face it was a puddle of mush
It bubbled and it threw a portion of itself in a glob
Me and Partuur filled it with arrows that overgrown blob

I like to think we are invincible and it had no effect on us
Still it was quite a punch it threw and a strong force upon us
It this was the minion, and only the spawn of a master
Then when we come across Polyphon we’ll deal with that disaster

We won’t back down no matter what deception
We’ll greet it warmly, with a welcoming reception
I know we’re strong, and that thing was weak
We have yet to find Ardwen whom we still seek

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Palace of Fortuity
Where you can steal from the Upper Class

Tempo Timone’s song

Palace of Fortuity

Palace of Fortuity gilded with gems and gold
A gambling den of the upper class and the bold
The higher the stakes the less you want to fold
Patrons rarely leave with all that there is to behold

Take a chance, roll of the dice
A little money is always nice
Yet they take your money, soul, your time
With such a high price it’s a brilliant crime

Underground yet is freely advertised
Invisible except to those who are surprised
The lights, the action, the activity inside
Deal out another hand, like the ebbing tide

You know the look, you have read the word
You hear the stories and you have heard
The despair the broke those down and dumb
Pulling out an ace and moving out of the slum

I see the liars, beggars, thieves, and the thugs
The nobles with money and those addicted to drugs
Those with cash who need a little more
Those who think life is just a bore

Looking for excitement looking for a thrill
This is danger that is ready to kill
Rob you of all you are and all you have
You run out of money and you become a slave

The Palace of Fortuity, where the house always wins
The palace of debauchery full of hidden sins
Those with regrets those with painful memories
They all go to the palace of monetary ceremonies

I see living creatures, all losing their lives
They take all their weapons, spells and knives
Nothing here to attack, nothing here to hurt
Yet they will take you of your back or shirt

A battle of fortune and luck
Come away a king or a schmuck
Come away rich if you have pluck
If you leave in debt you are certainly stuck

I was walking around Athiisar on a drunken wander
I took a quick gander and from what I’ve heard of slander
I saw it from afar, and I just had to enter and walk in
Their I saw it, it was all true, and I was glad I left my kin

The compulsive, the obsessive, the kleptomaniac
They would all go insane or have a heart attack
My brother would fit in perfectly with these crooks
Stealing money from nobles and cooking the books

A fancier place I have yet to find
Still the gold and treasure blows my mind
I thought we were filthy rich, and we had lots of loot
The decadence of this castle makes our stock look cute

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Apprentice Stevie Bowie
Another Bard

Tempo Timone’s song

Apprentice Stevie Bowie

There’s a bad little boy
His name was Stevie Bowie
He committed crimes
and he did them real showy
When the guards caught up with his crime
Stevie Bowie got locked up and did his time

Stevie Bowie learned tricks and trades from jail
How to stab another and how to avoid being impaled
Yet beyond the aggressive and combat tactics
Stevie Bowie learned how to bang and beat with sticks

Stevie Bowie that hard rocker never learned how to quit
He pounds out rhythms and he looks like he’s throwing a fit
He pounds out rhythms and he screams out his song
He rocks so hard that he can’t do it wrong

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

His song is loud, fast, and rough
His voice is scratchy and his fists are tough
His songs don’t always rhyme it is the feeling that matters
He uses steel drums sticks and still they shatter

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

Some call him the best but he knows he is second
He gave me a note and a meeting he beckoned
He wanted to learn music, not just how to rhythmically scream
So I have me an apprentice and together we steal the scene

He came to me because he wanted money
He wanted fame, and had no desire to be a phony
So he came on a small horse commonly known as a pony
Found that beloved bard Tempo Timone

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

He casts down pain, and lightning from the sky
The god’s if they weren’t cut off would begin to cry
When me, my brother, and Stevie sing together
Cut from the same cloth, we’re birds of the feather

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

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Buck UP!
Tell everyone a story or tell no one

Tempo Timone’s song

Buck Up

In a battle I’m locked down and confronted
I keep on trying to use my Greatbow
Stuck up close I’m marked and assaulted
He keeps on hitting me and I know

I need Partuur I need to hear his tale of heroes
They didn’t give up, they worked through all throws
These heroes of old they kept on in their fight
I had heard Partuur tell these fables to allies within sight

I called out for Partuur, for the help that was needed
He could see I was injured and his heal certainly succeeded
Still it wasn’t what I thought, I would rather drink from my cup
I expected a tale of history and glory, all I heard was Buck Up

Buck Up, and Suck it up
Keep on moving and sober up
Your not worth it, to tell a tale
You’re just a bard that doesn’t wear mail

Partuur you might be in a rush but don’t give me that tough love
I know what you can do, I want more, it isn’t enough
I can tell you care, and you are right there
So why treat me differently it isn’t fair

I got through vanquishing the foe that kept me on guard
I shot carefully striking the foe, he will never forget this bard
Still after we fought in such a heroic battle, I had still one thought
Partuur thank you for the help but I still have not forgot

You told others tales of heroes of old
You made Toshiro renewed and bold
You gave mouse strength and power to go on
Still the saga you told me was there and gone

Buck Up, and Suck it up
Keep on moving, sober up
Your not worth it to tell a tale
You are so weak, and you are so frail

Partuur you might be in a rush but don’t give me that tough love
I know what you can do, I want more, it isn’t enough
I can tell you care, and you are right there
So why treat me differently it isn’t fair

He responded plain and simple as he could be
He didn’t want me to be hurt but he knew me
He didn’t want me turning his tale into another song
My response was simple I asked him what was wrong

Turning a tale of old heroics into just another poem
Hurts its authenticity and desecrated its honor at home
I don’t mind healing you and giving you my attention
Still the things you do and the things you say hurts the reputation

I understand, I will honor them with my words
I will bring them back into fashion and back into light
Out from those dusty books and those dark libraries
That way all can hear a tale of heroes and their fight

A song is good and it is a powerful thing
It makes others hear and makes them sing
So let me sing a tale or two let them be heard
If it is worth hearing, let it be heard from a bard

Don’t just say

Buck up, and Suck it up
Keep on moving, sober up
I don’t want to tell you a tale,
You’ll change the truth because of your ale

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