Crime Pays

Icky, Sickly, Sticky, Tricky
Description of the spawn of eww

Tempo Timone’s song

Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky

It talked only to Partuur trying to make him doubt
It whispers in your head with the intensity of a shout
Partuur didn’t care at all of what it was talking about
A giant puddle of goo is something we can do without

A spawn of something, it was all evil inside
It was disgusting and it didn’t even try to hide
It came full out in force and it died of course
Still we only had a hint of the power of its source

It is
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky and it is full of fail
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky and it won’t prevail
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky hypnotized a crowd
Icky Sickly Sticky Tricky I sang really loud

It was not a large struggle, to face the slush
It didn’t even have a face it was a puddle of mush
It bubbled and it threw a portion of itself in a glob
Me and Partuur filled it with arrows that overgrown blob

I like to think we are invincible and it had no effect on us
Still it was quite a punch it threw and a strong force upon us
It this was the minion, and only the spawn of a master
Then when we come across Polyphon we’ll deal with that disaster

We won’t back down no matter what deception
We’ll greet it warmly, with a welcoming reception
I know we’re strong, and that thing was weak
We have yet to find Ardwen whom we still seek

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Palace of Fortuity
Where you can steal from the Upper Class

Tempo Timone’s song

Palace of Fortuity

Palace of Fortuity gilded with gems and gold
A gambling den of the upper class and the bold
The higher the stakes the less you want to fold
Patrons rarely leave with all that there is to behold

Take a chance, roll of the dice
A little money is always nice
Yet they take your money, soul, your time
With such a high price it’s a brilliant crime

Underground yet is freely advertised
Invisible except to those who are surprised
The lights, the action, the activity inside
Deal out another hand, like the ebbing tide

You know the look, you have read the word
You hear the stories and you have heard
The despair the broke those down and dumb
Pulling out an ace and moving out of the slum

I see the liars, beggars, thieves, and the thugs
The nobles with money and those addicted to drugs
Those with cash who need a little more
Those who think life is just a bore

Looking for excitement looking for a thrill
This is danger that is ready to kill
Rob you of all you are and all you have
You run out of money and you become a slave

The Palace of Fortuity, where the house always wins
The palace of debauchery full of hidden sins
Those with regrets those with painful memories
They all go to the palace of monetary ceremonies

I see living creatures, all losing their lives
They take all their weapons, spells and knives
Nothing here to attack, nothing here to hurt
Yet they will take you of your back or shirt

A battle of fortune and luck
Come away a king or a schmuck
Come away rich if you have pluck
If you leave in debt you are certainly stuck

I was walking around Athiisar on a drunken wander
I took a quick gander and from what I’ve heard of slander
I saw it from afar, and I just had to enter and walk in
Their I saw it, it was all true, and I was glad I left my kin

The compulsive, the obsessive, the kleptomaniac
They would all go insane or have a heart attack
My brother would fit in perfectly with these crooks
Stealing money from nobles and cooking the books

A fancier place I have yet to find
Still the gold and treasure blows my mind
I thought we were filthy rich, and we had lots of loot
The decadence of this castle makes our stock look cute

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Apprentice Stevie Bowie
Another Bard

Tempo Timone’s song

Apprentice Stevie Bowie

There’s a bad little boy
His name was Stevie Bowie
He committed crimes
and he did them real showy
When the guards caught up with his crime
Stevie Bowie got locked up and did his time

Stevie Bowie learned tricks and trades from jail
How to stab another and how to avoid being impaled
Yet beyond the aggressive and combat tactics
Stevie Bowie learned how to bang and beat with sticks

Stevie Bowie that hard rocker never learned how to quit
He pounds out rhythms and he looks like he’s throwing a fit
He pounds out rhythms and he screams out his song
He rocks so hard that he can’t do it wrong

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

His song is loud, fast, and rough
His voice is scratchy and his fists are tough
His songs don’t always rhyme it is the feeling that matters
He uses steel drums sticks and still they shatter

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

Some call him the best but he knows he is second
He gave me a note and a meeting he beckoned
He wanted to learn music, not just how to rhythmically scream
So I have me an apprentice and together we steal the scene

He came to me because he wanted money
He wanted fame, and had no desire to be a phony
So he came on a small horse commonly known as a pony
Found that beloved bard Tempo Timone

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

He casts down pain, and lightning from the sky
The god’s if they weren’t cut off would begin to cry
When me, my brother, and Stevie sing together
Cut from the same cloth, we’re birds of the feather

Stevie Bowie rocking down town Athiisar,
Everyone comes around near and far
He’s loud, crazed, furious, and his music is enjoyed
You can hear his song throughout the town there is no way to avoid

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Buck UP!
Tell everyone a story or tell no one

Tempo Timone’s song

Buck Up

In a battle I’m locked down and confronted
I keep on trying to use my Greatbow
Stuck up close I’m marked and assaulted
He keeps on hitting me and I know

I need Partuur I need to hear his tale of heroes
They didn’t give up, they worked through all throws
These heroes of old they kept on in their fight
I had heard Partuur tell these fables to allies within sight

I called out for Partuur, for the help that was needed
He could see I was injured and his heal certainly succeeded
Still it wasn’t what I thought, I would rather drink from my cup
I expected a tale of history and glory, all I heard was Buck Up

Buck Up, and Suck it up
Keep on moving and sober up
Your not worth it, to tell a tale
You’re just a bard that doesn’t wear mail

Partuur you might be in a rush but don’t give me that tough love
I know what you can do, I want more, it isn’t enough
I can tell you care, and you are right there
So why treat me differently it isn’t fair

I got through vanquishing the foe that kept me on guard
I shot carefully striking the foe, he will never forget this bard
Still after we fought in such a heroic battle, I had still one thought
Partuur thank you for the help but I still have not forgot

You told others tales of heroes of old
You made Toshiro renewed and bold
You gave mouse strength and power to go on
Still the saga you told me was there and gone

Buck Up, and Suck it up
Keep on moving, sober up
Your not worth it to tell a tale
You are so weak, and you are so frail

Partuur you might be in a rush but don’t give me that tough love
I know what you can do, I want more, it isn’t enough
I can tell you care, and you are right there
So why treat me differently it isn’t fair

He responded plain and simple as he could be
He didn’t want me to be hurt but he knew me
He didn’t want me turning his tale into another song
My response was simple I asked him what was wrong

Turning a tale of old heroics into just another poem
Hurts its authenticity and desecrated its honor at home
I don’t mind healing you and giving you my attention
Still the things you do and the things you say hurts the reputation

I understand, I will honor them with my words
I will bring them back into fashion and back into light
Out from those dusty books and those dark libraries
That way all can hear a tale of heroes and their fight

A song is good and it is a powerful thing
It makes others hear and makes them sing
So let me sing a tale or two let them be heard
If it is worth hearing, let it be heard from a bard

Don’t just say

Buck up, and Suck it up
Keep on moving, sober up
I don’t want to tell you a tale,
You’ll change the truth because of your ale

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The Bag Of Not Holding
It only holds hunger

Tempo Timone’s song

Bag of Not Holding

Grab and bag, and an alive undead head
Something mindless and hungry like a ghoul unfed
Have some documents that you need destroyed
Place it in the bag not holding the devouring void

The bag of not holding, the bag of not holding
Ghouls never listen to correction or scolding
So let them keep eating, the things you’re defeating
Keep identification of corpses from ever completing.

We kill someone and we don’t want it known
Just give it the bag of gnashing teeth and groans
It won’t stop eating and it’s already dead
It is the useful application for a decapitated ghoul’s head

The bag of not holding, the bag of not holding
Ghouls never listen to correction or scolding
So let them keep eating, the things you’re defeating
Keep identification of corpses from ever completing.

Some people say it’s barbaric, some people say that it’s gross
Some people say we throw it away, some people say we put it in a pose
Some people say its disgusting and needs to be put out of its misery
Some people say that it makes good decorations for a nursery

So what do you do with a decapitated ghoul’s head
Either put it to use or put it to bed
Waste not, want not, use it up and wear it out
So what if it is most common to scream and shout

When life gives you lemons you make lemonade
When life gives you a ghoul’s head don’t be dismayed
There’s a use for everything, says our pixie mage
Let’s put a ghoul’s head in a bag, it will be all the rage

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World At the Bottom of my cup
What Tempo saw

Tempo Timone’s song

World at the Bottom of my Cup

Looking at the world through the bottom of my cup
Tip it over to see what’s up
Drink all the liquid have it flow into me
Then let me tell you what I see

I see ghouls, simple creatures their already dead
My brother took his garrote and took off a head
Still Mouse came smashing and Keladry stayed at mark
I mumbled my words and shouted oh hark!

These ghouls of shame should have been easily defeated
Still the battle raged on as our attack we repeated
We missed more than hit, and that wasn’t just it,
it took us so long before we could finally sit

The shame was that it should have been over before it began
The fact that we kept on keeping on and Mouse was the man
Toshiro dealt damage, killing off two or three
and I was in a corner until I woke up to see

These ghouls of shame that were already dead
Should not have taken so long to take of their heads
We were just waiting for our short rest
Still this battle was not our best

Still we all made it, with hardly a scratch
These ghouls were not an even match
We stuck them down and we cleared the hall
We worked well together when we did at all

I sing about beauty I write about truth
I sing about vodka, saki, and vermouth
I sing about a tale, that I saw in a mystic vision
I sing about ale and my greatbow precision

I’ll sing to you again, after I sleep
I’ll sing about my visions so deep
They drift around like they are real
Yet they awake in the slumbers I steal

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The Pixie Did it
An Excuse that works

Tempo Timone’s song

The Pixie Did It

I know a barbarian, whose strong and brave
A fighter and warrior, our lives he constantly saves
The left testicle of vengeance and he is certainly proud
He defends those he trusts but one exception is allowed

Mouse, Mouse, as strong as you are
There is one thing that can’t be fix, he
Has done so many things here and far
but you can’t stop the troubles from a pixie

You see
1, 2, 3,

(The Pixie Did it)
1, 2, 3,
(The Pixie Did it)
1, 2, 3,
(The Pixie Did it)
I’m not saying her name
(The Pixie Did it)
Yet she deserves the blame

Mouse’s foes who were left alive are begging cripples
Mouse you are so powerful your attacks cause ripples
Mouse’s neck is so think with a powerful Adam’s apple
It would snap a garrote and break through Toshiro’s grapple

Mouse, Mouse, you are generous and kind
Master of Monkey Fu with a one track mind
All who cross you gets an axe to the face
Still you show mercy on one that caused you disgrace

You see
1, 2, 3,

(The Pixie Did it)
1, 2, 3,
(The Pixie Did it)
1, 2, 3,
(The Pixie Did it)
To Mouse, what a terrible thing,
it’s all her fault and that’s why I sing

Mouse has not one fault
He can pole vault
He leaps and charges
Mouse Mall has low charges
Mouse isn’t a noble or an uptown mister
Mouse also has a terrifyingly strong sister
Mouse has no shame
Mouse deserves fame
The Pixie is the one to blame
for anything against
Mouse’s name
yes Mouse’s name

Mouse our hero cleaves monsters in half
Mouse is diplomatically adept with a joyous laugh
His voice can be heard when he releases a shout
All the breaking glass and villagers cowing I could do without

Mouse is someone who claims victory
Mouse has dealt damage and made things gory
He carries us through when we are weak
We all stop to listen when he decides to speak

The Pixie doesn’t understand, the pixie doesn’t know
about the damage that he deals and how he steals the show
The pixie is so busy working on her spells
while Mouse is beating up none do wells

Mouse is great with leaders he is our support
a firm foundation can’t be bothered with a shirt
Mouse never misses unless it was from interference
The pixie is to blame because of her appearance

you see
1, 2, 3,
(The Pixie Did it)
Nothing left to say
(The Pixie Did it)
She just got in the way
(The pixie Did it)
don’t just take it from me
(The Pixie Did it)
It’s true of anyone that sees
(The Pixie Did it)
all who are not blind and deaf
(The Pixie Did it)
Don’t call out for a ref
(The Pixie Did it)
it isn’t hard to tell
(The Pixie Did it)
it isn’t a hard sell
(The Pixie Did it)
no need to convince
(The Pixie Did it)
everyone knows in this province
(The Pixie Did it)
it isn’t just my word
(The Pixie Did it)
all who have seen and heard
(The Pixie Did it)
if you have committed a crime
(The Pixie Did it)
It works every time
(The Pixie Did it)
If you have a terrible life
(The Pixie Did it)
or if you have an ugly wife
(The Pixie Did it)
if you are broke and on the street
(The Pixie Did it)
if you are hungry and want to eat
(The Pixie Did it)
if you just lost a fight
(The Pixie Did it)
if you are lonely late at night
(The Pixie Did it)
if you just lost a game of dice
(The Pixie Did it)
if you have a bad case of lice
(The Pixie Did it)
if you have any kind of trial
(The Pixie Did it)
if you need to travel many miles
(The Pixie Did it)
She tries her best at heart
(The Pixie Did it)
She just might be too smart

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Scarlet Dogs
Torchedwood vs some mangy muts

Tempo Timone’s song

Scarlet Dogs

We came in with a brilliantly great plan
Me riding a cart with a whip in my hand
Mouse pulling the cart, giving glares at me
The rest of the gang hidden in the cart safely

The scarlet dogs (woof), those scrawny muts
Thought I was a fool, yeah they thought I was nuts
They disrespected me, wanted me to take my clothes off
That’s when I grab my greatbow, because I’ve had enough

Illiana flew out of the cart out gliding over the air
One magic spell and they were all moved from there
Some took a slip, some fell into the drink
Only one man was fast enough to dodge and think

Scarlet Dogs (Woof) you better run
Fighting against us won’t be fun
Scarlet Dogs (Woof) you better flee
take a bath you Seadog, you’re covered in flees

I arose from my seat, and took off my disguise
To reveal Tempo Timone, looking fashionably wise
My all white clothes, with a tasteful diamond stud
Ready to be stained with this mongrel’s blood

I fired my bow, shooting their leader in the leg
I made a remark, how they should roll over and beg
Mouse was at the ready, as they all came in for the kill
They all had great teamwork to make up for their lack of skill

I saw one that was sure to hit, I sang, “I’ve got your back, look out ahead”
As I shot him with an arrow, and Mouse struck him in the head
Despite the damage, the mangy dog did live and gloat
That was until Toshiro came and put a garrote round his throat

The scarlet dogs (woof), they morphed into hounds
Still were weak, and helpless while we were around
They tried to run, and they tried to flee
Yet how can they escape our mischievous pixie

Drasak burned them, cooking the chickens just right
Drasak’s burst hit them just when it was right
Those poor Scarlet Dogs (woof) must have been dog tired
They were like dogs on heat, because they certainly were fired

Scarlet Dogs (Woof) you ain’t so scary
You’re just a puppy that is very hairy
Scarlet Dogs (Woof) Let sleeping dogs lie
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, so don’t even try

It’s easy to find a stick to beat a dog
Yet going against us results in an epilogue
It might be true, every dog has his day
That may be tomorrow, so go run away

Scarlet Dogs (woof) calling you big is a bit of a stretch
It’s a dog eat dog world, why don’t you go play fetch
Scarlet Dogs (Woof) you think that you are a wolf pack
You have no courage you cowardly dogs, you just turn your back!

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Nine-Hundred-Ninety-Nine Angels
We can take them

Tempo Timone’s song

999 Angels 1000 Demons

999 Angels 1000 Demons
Somehow we must even the odds
Nine-hundred-ninety-nine Angels one-thousand Demons
We’ll keep fighting against all the gods.

The god’s aren’t listening, they are no threat
I owe them nothing, I have no debts
Have them suffer and call out for my head
By the time they arrive I’ll already be dead

The gods don’t care about one drunken heathen
Yes they might get angry and stop me from breathin
Yet let my verses play forever on
Until there is no longer a setting sun

999 Angels 1000 Demons
Somehow we must even the odds
Nine-hundred-ninety-nine Angels one-thousand Demons
We’ll keep fighting against all the gods.

They don’t listen to this one little peasant,
When they return they might find what I’ve said unpleasant
screaming out from the bottom of my heart
The scales must be balanced, we’d better start

How are gods to punish justly someone who fights on both sides
If I mean only to make a battle fair then I can’t be denied
Fighting evil and good what a delicate dance
I should be rewarded for regaining balance

999 Angels 1000 Demons
Somehow we must even the odds
Nine-hundred-ninety-nine Angels one-thousand Demons
We’ll keep fighting against all the gods.

999 Angels 1000 Demons
Why are we to fear such elusive beings
Nine-hundred-ninety-nine Angels one-Thousand Demons
They can be killed with a few sharp stings

How can we not take action, when someone has already intruded
We will suffer a fate worse than death if we all stay secluded
The demons are winning, they have the advantage
Yet they can suffer a rebellion of a mob on a rampage

This battle rages on, we must somehow contribute
If we don’t help the angels out, their defeat is absolute,
We are in a war, the only answer is we fight
If we don’t take part, we might as well take flight

Because there’s

999 Angels 1000 Demons
Somehow we must even the odds
Nine-hundred-ninety-nine Angels one-thousand Demons
We’ll keep fighting against all the gods.

There is so many

999 Angels 1000 Demons
With so many of us they will be outnumbered
Nine-hundred-ninety-nine Angels one-Thousand Demons
With so many of us they will be encumbered

One thousand Demons

999 Angels 1000 Demons
Somehow we must even the odds
Nine-hundred-ninety-nine Angels one-thousand Demons
We’ll keep fighting against all the gods.

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The Mouse Mall
The Advertisement teaser

Tempo Timone’s song

Mouse Mall

Welcome to our warehouse, you’ve come to see our wares
I’m known to attract an audience and accumulate stares
Just look at our quality, nothing else compares
We’re known to have the best in town but who really cares

Come browse the Mouse Mall, come browse our store
Our product is something that you, can’t ignore
Wandering around, it won’t be a bore
We also sell weapons that spread lots of gore

Welcome to the Mouse Mall, we’re one of a kind
If you don’t like our stuff we’ll give you, a piece of our mind
Nothing better in town you see, none better you will find
None have refused to buy our product yes, none have declined

The Mouse Mall was made to be viewed on mass
Bring all your friends the Mouse Mall appeals to every class
This is an offer you won’t want to pass
Visit and I’m sure you’ll agree it really is Fasc—

inating to all people who come and arrive
This is luxury it is not just a common dive
You will wonder how we came across such wealth
I’m sure it has something to do with tact and stealth

We sell weapons, armor, and sweets
Come and take a look, it really is a treat
We have free samples of everything inside
Be careful with the weapons, someone has already died

We offer a wide selection, appeal to the rich and the poor
Bring anyone of any age, coming here is not a chore
Just watch our entertainers, our demonstrators won’t leave you board
So what if you are dirt broke, I’m sure there’s something you can Afford

Come try our free samples, Come and have some cake
Test out our weapons, different kinds and different make
The pastries that we sell, will make you joyfully cry
I promise we have cake, and this is not a lie

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